Dumb joke thread

[Xue Yi Liang]

What goes "fee fie foe, fee fie foe fee"? It's Mike Tyson giving his phone number.

[kg_lildude1]

homer: no tv and beer make homer go something something

marge: crazy?

homer: don't mind if i do! "Gaidhsauhidhsdsafghdag"!

[Storm Crow]

A blonde form California is tires of the long, hot summers and decides to move to Pennsylvania. One day she is driving home fom work and is stopped behind a truck at a red light. She thinks his truck is having a slight problem and gets out of her car. She walks up to the truck and calmly knocks on the window and says, "Hi, I'm Heather, and you're loosing some of your load." The driver of the truck rolls up his window and continues on his way. At the next red light she does the same thing, with the same response. At the next red light she does the same thing again but this time thr driver yells down at her "Look lady it's WINTER in PENNSYLVANIA and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK."



lol

[kg_lildude1]

a blond, brunette, and red head are stuck on an island 20 miles from the main land. the brunette decides to swim and goes 10 miles then drowns. the red head decided she could make it then swam 15 miles and drowned. the blond said i can make it, and decides to swim, she reachs 19 miles, gets tired, turns around and swims back to the island...

[Link Ironhammer]

I got a couple:
Ok a guy is walking home and he sees a horse for sale. He asks the seller if he can buy it and the seller says "yes but you must remember to say thank god to make him run and oh shit to make him stop." the guy agrees and buys the horse. When he is going home he forgets what he must say to make the horse stop. The horse keeps going and going. Eventually the horse is about to run off a clif and the guy goes "OH SHIT!" and the horse stops. Then he says "thank god!" and the horse goes and falls off the cliff.

A Lady pregnant with triplets gets shot 3 times in the stomach by a robber on her way home.

16 years later, one of the girls came running into the room crying. The mom asked, what's wrong? and she replied, "I was peeing and a bullet came out!". The mom explained what had happened 16 years ago and the daughter was fine.
The next day the second daughter came running into the room crying. THe mom asked "what's wrong?" The daughter replied, "I was peeing and a bullet came out!" Again, the mom explained and everthing was fine.
The next day, the Son came running into the room crying, the mom said, " Let me guess you were peeing and a bullet came out?". "No!!" the son replied, "I was jacking off and I shot the dog!".

A guy named John was walking through a forest and found a stranger hugging a tree. So John asked him "why the hell are you hugging a tree?" and the stranger responded, "I am listening to the music of the forest, you should give it a try." So as soon as John started to hug the tree, the stranger cuffed him, ripped his clothes off, took his wallet, and left him butt-naked for two hours. Later, a hippie arrived and found John as he was struggling from the tree. So the hippie asked John, "what happen to you?," and John explained what happened. But after he explained what happened, the hippie kissed John in the cheek, pulled his own pants down and said "This just ain't your day."

There were two criminals caught, breaking a law, and was sent into court. The judge of the court said to them "Because I am feelling generous, I will not sentence you two to prison for this. Instead, I sentence you to a month drug rehab, where you encourage kids not to take drugs. You are dismissed." A monthe later, they returned back to the courtroom. "Your one month is up." Replied the judge. "Now each of you show me a listing of how many kids you helped."

"umm... your honor" Said the first criminal. "I'm afraid I didn't help anyone."

"WTF is wrong with you? What did you do to encourage kids not to take drugs?" Asked the Judge

The first replied "I drew two circles. The big one represents your brain before you take drugs. And the small one represents your brain afterwards."

"WTH was that? That was the biggest piece of crap I've ever seen in my entire life!" Replied the Judge. "Security, take him away!" And the first Criminal went to jail. "As for you" Replied the Judge to the second Criminal. "How many did you help?"

"I helped one-thousand, five-hundred and fifty three kids" The second replied.

"HOLY SHIT!" Replied the Judge. "How did you do that?"

Then the second replied, "All I had to do was draw two circles on a piece of paper. The small one represents your anus before you go to prison."

[kg_lildude1]

lol i liked the prison one

[Witchblade]

-How many RPG players does it take to change a broken light bulb?



(1D6+1)


-How does a RPG player punish his son not doing his homework?


(1D6+1 days w/o TV )


ok that suxx.. i ll do better next time ^^

[Edge Martinez]

Did you know Hellen Keller had a donkey?

Neither did she.




Ben Affleck goes to the doctor. He says, "Doc... I have this problem. Every time I look in the mirror I find myself getting turned on."

The doctor replies, "That's no surprise. You're a big pu--y."



A blonde gets on an airplane for the first time. When she takes her seat she glances out the window and reads the word on the plane next to her. Then she starts repeating it, "Boeing! Boeing! Boeing! Boeing!" The stewardess walks over and says, "Madame, be silent!" The blonde looks puzzled for a moment and then starts repeating, "Oeing! Oeing! Oeing! Oeing!"

[John Waffletord]

Originally Posted by Edge Martinez

Did you know Hellen Keller had a donkey?

Neither did she.

Helen Keller jokes are fun

Why is all of Helen Keller's face burnt?
She was bobbing for french fries.

Why was Helen Keller's leg yellow?
Her dog was blind too.

How did she burn her fingers?
Reading the waffle iron

Why did Helen Keller's dog commit suicide?
You would too if your name was 'Urghrrghrghr'.

Have you heard of the new Helen Keller doll?
Wind it up and it walks into walls.

How come Helen Keller can't have kids??
Because she's DEAD!

How did Helen Keller drive herself crazy?
Trying to read a stucco wall.

What did HK's parent's do to punish her?
Rearranged the furniture

What else did they do to punish her?
Put her in a round room and told her there's a penny in the corner

What else did they do to punish her?
Gave her bird-seed to read.

What else did they do to punish her?
Glued doorknobs to the walls

How did Helen Keller break her arm in the car?
Trying to read stop signs.

What's the name of Helen Keller's favorite book?
"Around the block in 80 Days"

Define true love.
Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder playing tennis.

How did Helen Keller's teachers punish her for talking in class?
They made her wear mittens.

How come Helen Keller has to use two hands to masturbate?
She needs to use one to moan

[kg_lildude1]

Originally Posted by John Waffletord

How come Helen Keller has to use two hands to masturbate?
She needs to use one to moan

LMFAOITCWIKOAD

[Count Feanor]

What did the bird say to the cow? Chirp, chirp! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!

What happened when the bus dropped the kids off a school? Nothing! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!

Knock, Knock
Who's there?
It's me you idiot! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!

Don't let the door hit you... when you're stupid!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!

[kg_lildude1]

knock, knock
who's there?
me
me who
meep meep

[Xue Yi Liang]

What kind of bees give milk instead of honey?

Boo-bees.

[kg_lildude1]

LMFAO nice one xue

[Edge Martinez]

Originally Posted by John Waffletord

What else did they do to punish her?

Left the plunger in the toilet.